The last few days, I have been thinking about how emotionally needy I have become. When I think about sharing my problems with others, listening to their advice, needing encouragement, it makes me feel weak and vulnerable. Those are not pleasant feelings for me. Probably not comfortable for anybody.
I have been on a road of self-discovery. One of the things I have discovered about me is that I am a strong woman. I have been a single mom for many years, which is enough to bulk anybody's emotional and mental muscles. I have been a successful business owner, I have functioned in managerial positions and I have stood on my own two feet financially for a good long time.
I AM a strong woman.
When the time came that I needed emotional support, I tried to handle it by myself. And, I handled it just fine until I couldn't anymore. Then, it all came gushing out. Suddenly, every conversation led back to my issues and my shortcomings and my regrets and my struggles. Often, I walked away from conversations feeling guilty for even talking about myself at all.
I began questioning why I was so needy after being a strong person for a long time. In my heart, I felt the Lord was saying I was needy because I tried to be strong on my own. I have leaned on the Lord in my life, which is why I'm still standing. But, I needed to lean on others. How can I have compassion for people around me that appear "needy" if I haven't ever felt that way myself?
Another interesting thing occurred to me. If I felt guilty from talking about my problems with others, maybe I didn't believe I was worth talking about. Self-worth has been, and still is, at the top of my self-discovery findings. I am worth being heard. I am worth being cared for and cared about.
I AM worthy.
Compassion for others and freedom from guilt for myself. I would say that stretch of the road was worth the travel.